Hmmmm

So we are in settlement stages for Drake. The insurance company offered $1500....Seems like a lot right? But we'd only net $270. Maybe I feel a little taken back b/c to me, $270 is a little low for what we all went through. So we countered $4000. But the net is what we'd get to do with what we need to do.
We'll see what the counter back.

Drake turned 5 yesterday. I cannot believe my baby boy is 5 now. WOW! Time flies. Drake's dad took him to Red Robin and to WalMart to buy some toys.

We are moving btw. Not far. Just 5 minutes away and same school district. The house is beautiful. 4bdr 3 baths HUGE backyard. And it has a HUGE laundry room. I'm excited!!! It's 2300 sq feet downtown. It's a lease purchase so that's AWESOME!!! It was built in the 1960's and has been totally remodeled. LOVE IT! It's perfect!!!!
Jason *should* start back to work this week or next. So that's helpful. His mom is looking into taking over the payments of our explorer so that she can pull the horses. So we'll be looking into getting another car.

I just cannot wait to have so much room, and a huge yard for the kids to play in!!!

...

What it would be like to be able to just have a quiet night with Jason. I am honestly SICK of hearing about how my friends (with kids of course) are constantly going out. I dont care if you're going to the strip clubs, I dont care if you're going to the drag show. I dont care if you have a sitter for 3 days. I DONT CARE!!!
I live off of $350 a month, food stamps, a little help from my dad for utilities and basic needs. So basic I have to ASK FOR HELP to get toilet paper!
And i'm PISSED off that my entire tax check has to go to LATE bills. Like my rent that is late....that I havent paid since November. I cant even buy extra things I want for my family with any of it.

I know it'll get better. It has to right?

I highly doubt that my friends are rubbing it in on purpose. Or honestly dont realize that asking me to babysit for them until 2am is upsetting me. But right now, please dont. Jason and I havent had a night out alone since August.

I just dont want to hear it.

And the Mother of the Year Award goes too.....

NRH-D! For the love she doesnt have for her own daughter!
Sydney's own mother couldnt be bothered to be at her daughters 4th birthday party. What a waste of life she is! Really!!! I really dont understand this. I have taken the day off for Drakes birthdays and when I couldnt I at least took a half day. On top of all this, Syd's Gma let Syd ride in her lap home b/c "there's not a lot of traffic out tonight". I hate Syd's birth mom and I hate Syd's Gma!!! Typically, Syd's Gma will let Syd ride up front in a car seat. While not illegal, it's child endangerment IMO. But letting Syd ride in her lap while she drove is beyond something I can process! I just dont understand what the HELL this woman is thinking KNOWING the kind of wreck we were in. Can I also mention that Xmas night Syd's tonsils were touching and we took Syd back to Gma with the thought that Gma was going to take Syd to the doc on Monday. She was gonna take her Friday the 26th and they were closed. But Syd was obviously in pain!

Anyway. The New Year has started to look a bit up. Jason is going out to lunch with his boss on Thursday and I had an interview today. Ironically, I interviewed for my exhusbands exwife's old position. Wierd. I have no idea if i'll get it or not.
I have to keep reminding myself that things fall into place for a reason.
Jason and I decided to go ahead and get married once my taxes come in. So just a few more weeks. :) I love him with all my heart but right now, we're going through so much. I cannot wait to call him my husband. :)

Drake was diagnosed with Mono. I have no idea where he would have gotten it. But ya. Sucks.

I wish I could view the world as a child again.

Sometimes I hate my life. I have learned to keep some of my thoughts hidden deep. Thoughts I could never express in public, to the person they are intended for or even my blog. I want to be a child again. I dont want the responsibility anymore. This will always be one of my inner demon. Always.
I've never been good with words, so when someone I know has to deal with something tragic.....I always say "i'm sorry". That's all i've ever been able to muster up at most. I dont do well to show much emotion when it's needed. I laugh when i'm in trouble, and apparantly that's a trait i've passed onto my son....It's not a funny laugh. It's an uncontrollable nervous laugh.

Last night, my BFF V's two little girls were over. R is 10 months and J is 5. Syd and J were upstairs playing while Drake was downstairs with me. I asked Drake to go upstairs andget ready for his bath. He came downstairs to tell me that the girls had been in his room andmessed it up. I saw RED. It just brought back memories of when my brothers or my sisters would come into my room andtrash it, then i'd get in trouble andhave to clean up THEIR mess. I grew up with 5 siblings. One of which did some horrible things to me, and my room was MY space. That is the one place that I could go and not really be bothered in a sense. It was my getaway spot. I guess that's why I get so mad and feel so violated when someone goes through personal belongings w/o permission. I made the girls clean his room. Then since they had trashed Syds as well. I made themclean hers. Then they had to sit on the stairs. I was so disgusted when I found out they had been in Drakes room. I know why, but have no idea if that feeling of disgust wasjustifiable or not. This isnt the first time Syd has rummaged through other peoples belongings.

Also Ashli, Jason's Psycho exgf. (Not Baby Mama) She's been stalking my myspace page. Normally I wouldnt care. BUT she's been stealing my words that i've typed out and using them as her own. Seriously? What compels someone to act like that? I was pissed at first, then realized...does this girl really want to be with Jason THAT bad she feels she needs to try to be like me? I leave my page on public. I wont hide from anyone. But why does she feel it neccessary to keep tabs on Jason and I? I can tell you this much, the girls got it coming to her.....
I swear, Jason's dated some real winners.....

Sick kiddo.....

So, I had a hunch something was wrong with Drake. He's been sleeping A LOT and not eating much. I mean, the kid LOVES sloppy joes and when he normally eats two, but only ate 1/2 of one the other night. I KNEW something was up. So, I asked his Ped to test for Mono. He tested positive. :( So, my little man has mono. Sucks. So he's gotta rest and take it easy.
Hopefully he'll be doing that with his dad this wknd while he's at his nana and poppa's in russvegas.....

My cell got shut off today. My cable is officially off now. And it sucks. :(

I over analyze stuff......even my psych teacher said so!!!

So I realized that I was born in July. Which means I was concieved in October. I was born on a Saturday at 1250PM......
My wreck happened in October at 1250PM

Uh ya, wouldnt that be freaky if I died at 1250PM on an October day? Only I would have figured that out. Of course I wouldnt have if I had died......

Like I said, I over analyze too much............

Blah

So, Drake and I were driving home from school today and he started asking me who made what. Like who made grapes? I said God. Who made windows? I said people. This went on for about 5 minutes. Who knew there were about 399495999395 different objects while sitting still at a stop light. Haha!
Anyway, Jason's boss called yesterday. They have a contract coming up soon!!!! So that'll help a lot. Plus if I can get it up off the ground, I want to start selling my cake balls. If anyone will buy them.
They are so yummy too!

So after grocery shopping with Jason, him telling me he wanted strawberry fruit roll ups. I kinda freaked out. Drake is ana to histamines in strawberries and kiwi. Which means he'll go into shock. Swell up severely and we'll have to adminster the epi pen and head straight to the ER (i'll be calling an ambulance rather, since the ER cant get you in immediatly) It could possibly kill him.
Anyway, there are no strawberries in Strawberry Craze Fruit Roll Ups!!! Who'da thunk?!