ADHD

So. Took Drake to his doctor appt this morning. He was diagnosed with ADHD. He was put on 5mg of Focalin a day. I gave him some around 230pm and he did pretty well on it today. Coming off of it though....another story. WOW! Irritable and just emotional from end to end. Luckily for us, it was bedtime.

Here's where I fail.I get a big fat F in parenting. I know it's hereditary. I know this well. I just cannot process that I have busted my ass to keep him well adjusted in hopes of keeping him a happy kiddo. But regardless if this was in mycontrol or not, I cant help but feel like a failure.
I called Gary afterwards...He's known of this appt since I made it about a month ago. He hit ignore....Ididnt leave a msg. He didnt even call me back to ask me what was up. I rarely call him. And it seems lately, i've had to call just to make sure he was picking Drake up from school. He seems as if Drake isnt such a priority. Maybe it's been this way all along and maybe i'm finally realizing this? Maybe it's b/c I have went out of my way to keep Drake and Gary's relationship together that now that I dont put the effort out b/c it's not really my place too, he just doesnt care?
I dont know. I'm lost. I'm standing here at a crossroads, confused as hell. And maybe it's all the other stressors in my life that are going on surrounding us....maybe just maybe that's why. We'll never know.Iknow that every storm that has crossed our paths, we make it through even stronger than the last one before.

I love my little boy more than anything else in this world. He andI have been through a lot. We'll get through this. But I need help. Well, I feel as if I need help, when in reality do I?

Only time will tell.

I'm gonna post some pictures of my cute family! :)

Me at 18w5d. I'm actually currently 20w5d.



Baby girl!!!!



Syd and Drake the day Jason and I got married.



Jason and I at Memphis in May 2008

Rainy Day

I just wish this weather would lighten up. It's rained every day for the last week and a half except for yesterday. I really dont know how the people in the NW side of the country dont end up killing themselves!!! I guess that's why there are a lot of emo kids up there....?

We are closer to deciding on a name. Emma is 99% for sure. We cant decide on a middle name. I want Leigh or Reese. Jason is so-so on Leigh. He asked me if Reese was even a girls name. I said "Ummm ya. Reese Witherspoon." He then was ok with it.

People are asking about what I want or need. I'd like a baby shower. But i'm not coming out to say it. I strongly doubt i'm getting one.
But I dont expect anyone to pay for anything big ticket.
I do want a double Medala Electric Breast Pump though.
Really as for neccessities, we need onsies. About 3 packs of each size. Up to 18/24 months. As well as socks. I'd say 2 packs of socks in each size. Bibs and burp cloths. Diapers and wipes.
That's pretty much it.
Of course there are some items I want. But they are not necessary just more for convienence. Like a bouncy seat that vibrates, bumbo, exersaucer, jenny jump up and a sling.We'll get a crib and bedding soon. It's not a must have when the baby is born.

Drake has his ADD testing on Monday. So i'm looking forward that and figuring it all out. He's getting harder to handle and not being to mow my grass regularly and it raining on a regular basis is no help. He's one that needs to go outside to play. He cannot sit on his bottom formore than 5 minutes straight. It literally drives me bonkers. I just feel bad b/c I feel like i'm constantly getting onto him.
Him and his "best friend" were play fighting over a knife in home living at school. And Jayden threw the fork hehad and hit Drakein the temple. Causing a puncture wound.
I'm about sick of that kid. I told Drake to knock the living crap out of the kid. The next day Drakegot in the car to tell me he punched him hard......lol. Drake didnt even get into trouble at school!!! I'm just glad we'll get a break from it all soon, then Drake starts kinder somewhere else this year.
Syd had her tonsils and adnoids removed and tubes put in her ears. She's had hearing loss and a TON of fluid was drained during the surgery. So we're happy toreport she's feeling fine....although we're not letting her get up to play much.
I have you know, that her own birth mother did not show up for this surgery. But who can blame her? It WAS her bday....and cinco de mayo, so therefore that is WAY more important than being with your daughter while she's put under to have surgery!
Jason headed out to get boxes. I cannot wait to move!!!!!!!!

Jason and I went to Helena this wknd. We started looking around for a house. Found an old one I really like on the OUTSIDE. Have yet to see it on the inside.But it doesnt have a yard to play in. I say if we are living in a town with NOTHING productive to do. I want my kids to have a yard to play in.
Told the exhusband we were moving down there. Went better than I imagined. However, this whole thing is gonna be hard. I dont want Drake in the car 6hours onwknds to Garys and 6 hours back. It'snot fair to DRAKE. Honestly, I could care less what position i'm putting Gary in. Our move isnt about HIM.It's about my family. I cant please everyone. And Gary isnt really priority in whom I want to please. Drake however, is.
Also, i'm dealing with a lot right now. I probably wont get a baby shower for my baby. I dont have a lot of money to spare in getting even just the neccessities. I wish Jason would help me figure out a name so I have one less thing to worry about. I'm tired of some people underminding my authority when it comes to my kids.Yes, I consider Syd my child.
BTW we found out what the baby is. A GIRL! :)

I took my dad dinner to his room tonight. Can you guess what I smelled? Smoke. Syd has her surgery on Tuesday and my dads room is directly below Syds. And he's STILL smoking!!! I've asked him SO many times to go outside. He says he is, he tells me he doesnt smoke in his room. Why do people feel it neccessary to lie to me. I am NOT dumb!!!
He said he'd just quit smoking altogether. But yet, I just smelled it again sitting in the living room.
I really dont understand it.
The smoke aggravates Syd's ears. Plus it causes her ear infections to reoccur.
I dunno.....