I wish I could view the world as a child again.

Sometimes I hate my life. I have learned to keep some of my thoughts hidden deep. Thoughts I could never express in public, to the person they are intended for or even my blog. I want to be a child again. I dont want the responsibility anymore. This will always be one of my inner demon. Always.
I've never been good with words, so when someone I know has to deal with something tragic.....I always say "i'm sorry". That's all i've ever been able to muster up at most. I dont do well to show much emotion when it's needed. I laugh when i'm in trouble, and apparantly that's a trait i've passed onto my son....It's not a funny laugh. It's an uncontrollable nervous laugh.

Last night, my BFF V's two little girls were over. R is 10 months and J is 5. Syd and J were upstairs playing while Drake was downstairs with me. I asked Drake to go upstairs andget ready for his bath. He came downstairs to tell me that the girls had been in his room andmessed it up. I saw RED. It just brought back memories of when my brothers or my sisters would come into my room andtrash it, then i'd get in trouble andhave to clean up THEIR mess. I grew up with 5 siblings. One of which did some horrible things to me, and my room was MY space. That is the one place that I could go and not really be bothered in a sense. It was my getaway spot. I guess that's why I get so mad and feel so violated when someone goes through personal belongings w/o permission. I made the girls clean his room. Then since they had trashed Syds as well. I made themclean hers. Then they had to sit on the stairs. I was so disgusted when I found out they had been in Drakes room. I know why, but have no idea if that feeling of disgust wasjustifiable or not. This isnt the first time Syd has rummaged through other peoples belongings.

Also Ashli, Jason's Psycho exgf. (Not Baby Mama) She's been stalking my myspace page. Normally I wouldnt care. BUT she's been stealing my words that i've typed out and using them as her own. Seriously? What compels someone to act like that? I was pissed at first, then realized...does this girl really want to be with Jason THAT bad she feels she needs to try to be like me? I leave my page on public. I wont hide from anyone. But why does she feel it neccessary to keep tabs on Jason and I? I can tell you this much, the girls got it coming to her.....
I swear, Jason's dated some real winners.....