First Entry

Typically, I use myspace for my bloggings. I think i'm going to keep my ventings and irrationality away from eyes that may misconstrue and twist my thoughts. Only to use them against me.

I am going to put a disclosure up first and foremost. My blog will not be for the faint at heart. I use my blogging as a place to vent about life, love, kids, family, relationships, friends, etc. I have taught myself over the years to keep friends that I truelly love in my life, to use my words tactfully. To think before I speak. I do for the most part now a days. Used to I would tell people like it was and I dealt with the repercussions of it later on. But I also look at life as, if I cant tell you the truth i'm not going to be fake about something.

Also, in order to keep my sanity I have to have a means to get it out. I do not like putting my close family and friends in the middle unless it's something that I am truelly worried about. I have lived my life by the seat of my pants and i'm done doing that.

Now, down to the nitty gritty of my life and some background.

I graduated HS in 2001. I almost immediatly got married to Gary. We had a little boy in January 2004. Drake is my LIFE. I will do anything to make that little man happy and healthy!!!! Gary and I divorced in 2006. I relished in the fact that I had the freedom I longed for forever and I dated, partied and had a lot of fun! I then started seeing Tim in September of 2007. That man (if he even deserved the term man) is a weak point. Our relationship moved pretty fast. We moved in together in November of 2007 and I quickly moved out 3 weeks later. I never thought i'd ever talk down about someones children and I know the kids cant help it, but I just couldnt see myself with someone who had kids like that. To me, that is a reflection of the kind of parent he was. Yes, he had custody of his boys. But, I tried overlooking his past. I should have listened to myself. We officially split in Jan 2008.
I did a lot more soul searching then I met Jason. He and I started talking VIA myspace. Ha. I honest to God, did NOT want to be with anyone again. For a while. I needed to pick up the pieces of my broken life that was caused by my lack in judgement with the previous.
I met Jason officially on Feb 9, 2008. Just the way he made me feel. He made me feel so good about myself. Something noone has ever been able to accomplish. We became official 2 days later. I even met his family the same day I met him. :) They are wonderful. A week after we decided to try it out, I told him that I just didnt think it was going to work. I couldnt handle the trek to Helena and not knowing when i'd get to see him would be too hard on me. I'd be afraid of him cheating, i'm sure he'd be feeling the same with that too. So I broke it off. I tried to stop talking to him as much as we had. But I couldnt help it, something kept drawing me to him. I'd even hit ignore and call him once a day. But I MISSED his voice terribly.
Jason moved in on Feb 20. He slept in my bed, but he just held me every single night. I felt bad and didnt want him sleeping on the uncomfy couch I had and the spare bedroom didnt have a piece of furniture in it. I figured we both could use that touch. It was a week later when IT finally happened. I just knew that he was it.
Despite worrying if I was making another mistake again. Not b/c I felt that I was, but b/c I was afraid i'd get blindsided again. My heart just couldnt take it anymore.
It's not been all roses in our relationship. We rarely bicker/fight/argue. But I cant say we're perfect. We've had some disagreements and yes i've been mad at him once or twice. As i'm sure i've pissed him off a few times. But I love this man so deeply. He is definately the one.
Sept 25th, he proposed. Despite all the talks we had about him being scared to get remarried. I respected that, so I didnt push it. We had talked about it possibly happening in the future, but I never thought it'd be THIS soon. We set a date of July 18th 2009
We are blending our families together. He has a daughter from a previous marriage and I have Drake from my previous marriage. We are having a time getting our parenting skills in sync, but I feel it'll get there.